I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
