I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize