You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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