Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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