no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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