Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
