sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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