Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
