i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
