Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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