like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
