She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
