i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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