He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
