so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
