Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
