yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
