mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
