I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
