don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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