Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
