Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
