that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
