im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
