if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
