I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
