how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
where are my eyebrows?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
