Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
