well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
