I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
