Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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