i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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