Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
