well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
