I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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