i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
