My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
