Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
