I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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