the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
