I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
