Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
