This girl is more easily done than said...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
