brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Your face is a jimmy john
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
