dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
