my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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