I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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