someone owes me an orgasm
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
