wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
