Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
