just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have fence marks all over my body
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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