i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
