My friends, they love my intelligence
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
