why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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