Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize