Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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