Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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