I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
