Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My vagina just recognized that song.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
