boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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