I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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