the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
