it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
