This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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