How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
