GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
