If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So squirting runs in the family.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
