I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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