he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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