this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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