Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
