mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize