alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize