According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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